Home is not a place, it’s a feeling…

This is one of the hard things to describe to people, but I see that I really do have two homes. My one home is back where I grew up, where my family are, and where one part of my life existed and still does in some parts. Then there is the home that I have here where I work, have friends and where another part of my life is. Everyone always asks me which place I prefer, and I can honestly say that I love both of them, each for different reasons.

Happy Easter everyone. I hope you are enjoying the holidays in whichever way you choose to with whatever beliefs you might have. I love holidays, except for one thing. That one thing is distance. You see, for those of you that have not met me, I’m not from here. I’m originally from New York (sadly not a true New Yorker – born in Connecticut. So close!) and lived there until 19 years ago. That was when I married a lovely guy and left what I call home and moved to the UK.

The one time I find this really hard, though, is during holidays like today. This is when homesickness completely kicks in and I feel like I am in the wrong place and should be in my other home, with my family. So, I spend much of the day really trying to enjoy where I am now and what I am doing, but it is not like I am completely here and a piece of my heart hurts because one part of my life is not there to enjoy it with me and instead they are a seven-hour plane ride away.

I am extremely blessed to still have both my parents in my life as much as I do, as I know many of my friends who are my age don’t have theirs with them anymore. When I am feeling like this, I try to remind myself of this fact and remain thankful. I’m thankful, but still sad and full of wishes.

I’ve been thinking today a lot about when I was in placement for my counselling training which I did at a fabulous Hospice which I loved being a part of, and if I had time I would join them again (maybe someday!). There, I worked with people that had different types of ‘losses’. This got me thinking about my homesickness and this pain that I feel, which can sometimes feel so real. I can recognise that part of this is from a loss of sorts. It’s the loss of a part of my life and a way of being. The phone call home today helped, but it’s like a band-aid that just won’t stick.

Why am I writing this? Well, to reflect on how loss can be different for different people. Where most people think of loss as the death of someone, actually it is so much more than that and can affect each of us in different ways. I recognise that I need a bit of self-care today (that might include chocolate!) and to acknowledge that I’m allowed to feel sad occasionally. We all are. The key is to take care of ourselves, in particular when we feel like this, and feel a bit lost ourselves.

The holiday is almost over, and Mom has planned making Easter dinner when I am there this summer to make up for missing this one. So until then, I’m off to book some plane tickets…

I exist in two places…

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